Thursday, June 28, 2012

Thoughts On Being A Person

I friend of mine posted something on Facebook along the lines of "thoughts on being a woman" and I feel like some things were left out in the whole scheme of things. Here's the original.

(I cannot, not even in a Google search, find the original of this. I am so sorry and I will take this down if  necessary.)
Here are my thoughts. I guess they're not necessarily all about being a woman but here they are anyway.

- Just because you have a uterus doesn't mean it has to be full. (This stems from my annoyance at people for always pestering about having kids when I don't want them.)
- Just because they're blood relatives does NOT mean you have to love, or even talk to, them.
- Going to bed angry isn't as bad as it sounds. (I've gone to be angry more times than I can count and I'm still married to the man I want to be with forever.)
- LET IT GO. If it's not worth losing someone over, let it go. Take whatever time you need to get over it but then just let it go.
- Don't be afraid to burn bridges.
- Stop trying to fill "holes in your life" just because someone else sees them.
- Quit pretending.
- If people aren't OK with you the way you are they're not worth keeping in your life.
- Everyone poops, and farts, and burps, and spits, and the sooner you accept that the better of you'll be. Plus you won't be so backed up all the time.
- Love yourself no matter your size, your professional status, your marital status, in spite of all your issues, and because you are who you are.

I think Dr. Suess said it best.

Monday, June 25, 2012

My Paranoid Delusions

My husband and I are currently buying a house. Yes, it's exciting. Yes, it's overwhelming. What I'm having an issue with, though, is the paranoia that's accompanying every aspect of the purchase.

We're waiting on the appraisal at the moment and I'm worried, which I know I shouldn't be, that it won't come in at the dollar amount that we need it to. I'm worried that the seller won't be willing to re-negotiate and we'll lose out on the house THUS leaving me homeless because my landlord is currently trying to rent the house that I'm in.

After appraisal comes financing. I have great credit and I don't even need a human underwriter on my loan BUT what if they tell me my interest rate is going to be 1 million percent and that the 20% I'm putting down isn't enough and that I have to take on PMI and have an escrow account, which I neither want nor need, and, again, the deal fall through and I'm homeless because my landlord is trying to rent the place that I'm currently in.

What if everything goes through and upon inspection they find 20 mounds of termites living in the walls and there's no insulation in the attic space and there's caves underneath my house and I can't live there because the Indian burial grounds that could possibly be there dictate that I have to pray to a different ... OK, I'll stop now.

This is what my mind is doing right now. I know I'm delusional and I know I'm getting a great rate on my house and I know the appraisal is going to come in at the right price but my mind won't allow me to think of the positive in this situation. I can't even revel in the fact that I'm buying a great house because I'm constantly worried about the what ifs of the whole situation.

I need a xanax.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

I'm Crazy About Blog Design

I'm not a professional designer. If I'm being honest I'm not even a novice designer. I'm a sit-at-home-and-obsess-over-my-blog-design designer. I've changed my header more times that I can count. I've revamped and re-done that little "about me" thingy to the right of my blog at least 600 times in the past year and I never seem to be happy with what I've done. I just can't leave it alone.

Does anyone else have that kind of problem?

Friday, June 22, 2012

Our Story (Pt 5 of 5)

I’m pretty sure you’re sick of me by now, and if you’re not, there’s something wrong with you. I titled this one coming home because, in every sense of the word, I was home when I am with TJ. I'm a sap, I know.

A month after we moved to Reno TJ convinced me that it was high time I called my mother. I hadn’t talked to her since before I left with him to move to Reno.

When I finally got up the courage to call her we only talked for an hour or so. We talked about where I was living, who I was with, what he was like, and when I was coming back home. She didn’t understand that truly didn’t want to be at home anymore. Somehow she didn’t see the emotional and mental abuse that my step dad was putting me through. I finally explained to her that I wasn’t coming back home to stay but we weren’t against coming to visit. She wasn’t happy but didn’t oppose my plan for us to come see her in mid April.

When we finally went to visit my family TJ wanted to shock them out of their pants. He made it a point to dress in a wife beater and torn up shorts with a gun on one hip and a knife on the other. My parents claim it didn’t shock them but the second they saw him their blank stares told a completely different story. Mom pulled me aside and warned me that what I was doing wasn’t what I should be doing. I didn’t have the courage to explain to her that I couldn’t take living at home and just told her that I was a big girl and I could take care of myself.

We had plans to stay in Utah for a week or so but those plans were shattered when my little brother got hit by a car during our visit. We immediately went back to Reno, packed up the necessities, and returned to Utah to help my parents with my 3 other brothers while they were in the hospital with my little brother. Our week visit turned into a month stay. We had planned to find a house in UT while we were there but I couldn’t convince TJ that living in UT was better than living in Reno. I’m not sure if I really wanted to convince him though, I didn’t want to be there either. 

When my brother finally got out of the hospital we moved to Redding, where TJ was living when we met.  This is where to story starts getting boring. We lived in Redding for a year and a half, moved back to Utah after that, and have been living in the same general area since late 2004. In 2009 we finally got married and I've never regretted my decisions. I love this man with all my heart. He's the biggest pain in my butt and I think that's what makes me love him even more.

Well, that’s our story. I know, it’s long, it’s drawn out, and I probably could have just said we met online, met up in Vegas, moved in together, and have been together ever since. That wouldn’t be nearly as fun as the story I’ve just told you though right? Oh, you didn’t have fun? I did and that’s all that matters. ;-)

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Our Story (Pt 4 of 5)

Before I left Vegas TJ invited me to move to Reno with him. We’d known each other only a little more than a month and he wanted me to move in with him. I didn’t hesitate to accept. Are you starting to understand how bad it was at home? I told him I had to pack up a few things and I’d meet him back in Vegas in a week.  He had to go back to Reno to return his friend anyway. Oh yea, did I mention, while we were in Vegas I neglected to show up for my first day of work and lost my job? There was another good reason to move to Reno.

I went home and explained to my mom that the job hadn’t worked out and that I’d be on the job hunt for the next little while so she probably wouldn’t see me much. All the while I was secretly packing up my things and putting them in my car so that when I was ready to leave I’d only have to jump in my car and go. A couple days went by and TJ called telling me he was on his way back to Vegas and he’d be there in the morning. Two days to make the 14+ hour drive from Vegas to Reno, and back, seemed impossible. He did it though.

Throughout the night I packed up my car. My stereo, my computer, my clothes, and everything I felt necessary was shoved into my little Ford Escort. I finally fell asleep around one am and had my alarm set for 5 am. My mom wouldn’t be out of bed yet and my dad would already be at work.

When that alarm went off I was glad that I had dressed to leave before I went to bed. I splashed a little cold water on my face, put the note I wrote explaining where I was and what truly went on the past week on my pillow for my mom to find, and I left. TJ and I met up in Vegas at around 10 am and without hesitation we got out of town. 

Or did we stay the night? I can’t really remember. Either way we were back in Reno within a couple days.

That had to be the longest drive I’d ever taken alone. Have you ever drive through central Nevada from Vegas to Reno?  There are only 4 towns along the way and most of them don’t even have gas stations. By the time we got to Reno I was in full culture shock mode and so tired I didn’t even care. Look up Toquerville, UT on a map and then look up Reno, if you’re not familiar with it. We didn’t have a house so we holed up in the Best Value Lodge along Virginia St. We spent the next month there while looking for a house. Reno was like OZ and I didn’t have any red sparkly heels.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Our Story (Pt 3 of 5)

There he was, sitting in the driver’s seat, looking like someone from a street gang. Another thing TJ never mentioned to me, which I should note didn’t really bother me, is that he was a very large man. When we met he was 460 lbs. His arms were as big as my thighs, and that part of him was pure muscle.

I’m pretty sure I looked like a deer in the headlights while I was getting into the truck. His friend introduced himself, we’ll call him T, and we were off. After dropping T, and his son, off as T’s fathers house TJ and I had to find ourselves a hotel room. We stayed right across the street from the Stratosphere in the Holiday Motel.  Before we could get a room we had to put up $10 for a key deposit  TJ didn’t carry cash, he still doesn’t.  Fortunately just up the street was a Wells Fargo  On our way to the bank TJ swung into a strip club just up the road. Uh really, you’re taking me to a strip club and we haven’t even talked in person for more than 10 minutes yet  Oh no, it was much worse. TJ had to pee and can you guess how mortified I was when he whipped it out and peed in the parking lot? I laughed uncontrollably because I didn’t know what else to do.

Skipping ahead, we got the room and started bring our stuff into said room. No sooner had I thought things couldn’t be any stranger, what with the peeing in the parking lot, did TJ pull a shotgun case out of his truck to carry into the room. OK, now I was really freaking out.  I didn’t ask questions because I honestly wasn’t sure what it was for. You’d think I would have left by now, right? Nope, things were really bad at home and even this was better than going back.

After unloading our things we went and picked T back up and started the bar hopping. TJ took me out to dinner every night, bought me roses, and got me so drunk that I’m not sure I remember much about that week  The benefit to being drunk is you don’t hide anything. Neither of us did. I think I learned everything there was to learn about him in just a few short hours. 

Throughout the week T and I split nearly 9 gallons of Tequila. We were at the bar by 9 am and never stopped drinking until we finally passed out. We estimate that, while in Vegas, we spent nearly $10,000 and we didn’t touch a slot machine. That was all alcohol, food, and whatever I wanted. He spoiled me to death.  This brings me to another odd point. Where did all that money come from?  TJ was a tattoo artist but I know they didn’t make that much money. That’s when TJ had to explain his annuity to me. For the loss of his leg he got a set amount of money that’s paid to him, monthly, in small chunks until he turns 65.  He’d been saving for some time to come to Vegas. Meeting me there was just a perk.

When our week was over, and my body had to detox from all that alcohol, I was upset because I didn’t want our time to end. I’d just had the most fun I think I’ve ever had in my entire life. I met an amazing man, and started to fall in love with him, and now we had to part ways and I had to go back to a home that felt like a prison to me.  Or did I?

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Our Story (Pt 2 of 5)

Last time I told you where I met my husband. This time I get to talk about when we finally met face to face.

When I first introduced myself with the obligatory 21/F/UT the first question I got was “How many moms do you have?” If you’re not familiar with the reference let me explain. Many people still believe that just because someone lives in UT it means they’re a polygamist. Of course I had to dispel this rumor and break his little heart when I told him one. We talked a little while about being LDS because he was quite interested but I was glad when we finally moved on to more interesting topics, like the weather. Don't get me wrong it's interesting talking about the church with those who don't know but it can also be very overwhelming and turn people away. I didn't want that to happen.

We spent nearly 2 hours in that private chat room. We talked about everything and nothing at all.  Suddenly, he had to leave.  I was a little crushed but I enjoyed the time we’d spent together. What he did next shocked the hell out of me. He gave me his phone number. How many people, having just met in a chat room, do you give your phone number out to?  I myself hadn’t given it out to anyone that I’d met online.  He asked if I’d give him a call later that day so we could talk.  I told him I’d think about it while shaking my head in disbelief.  I spent all day thinking about calling him and when I finally got home I’d made up my mind. I picked up the phone and dialed his number. 

Without going into the mind numbingly boring details of talking on the phone every night for a month, I’ll move to when we finally met face to face. 

TJ lived in Redding.  Redding is in Northern California. He and his friend had plans to visit Las Vegas, in early March, so that his friend could see his dad. I, living only hours north of Las Vegas, thought it would be a good idea to meet him there so we could finally see each other. You see, TJ had seen numerous photos of me but he didn’t have a camera and I’d never seen photos of him. So we made the plan to meet in Vegas.  Before we finalized everything there was one thing he said he needed to share with me. Being the pessimist that I am, I thought the worst. He proceeded to tell me about his missing leg. If you read my post about TJ you’d know how, and when, he lost his leg. This was it? I guess he thought I would react differently and was surprised when I said “Alright, and?”

I was so extremely excited when the day finally came for him to come to Vegas. I had just lost my job due to our company filing bankruptcy and, even though I already had a new job, I needed a little break. I told my mom that I’d be staying at a friends while I worked my way into this new job. She bought it. I told TJ to call me when he was 2 hours out because that’s how long I thought it would take me to get there. Either the excitement or the nerves got me to Vegas in just over an hour. We had planned to meet at The Frontier hotel because that’s really the only place TJ knew. He’d been to Vegas with his parents once before and that’s where they stayed.

I waited in that back parking lot for, what seemed like, hours. I thought he was standing me up. I’d asked him to call and he hadn’t yet. My phone was dead and I didn’t bring the charger so I had to use the pay phone to call him. I finally got a hold of him and he told me he was almost there and all I needed to do was listen for him.  Listen for him?  He told me I’d hear him before I saw him. What in Heaven’s name was he talking about? Not 5 minutes later I heard the loudest most bass thumping noise I’d ever heard pulling into the parking lot. Around the corner came a bright green Ford F-150 with dark tinted windows and Air Force Ones by Nelly playing through the stereo. He pulled up to the rear entrance and his friend jumped out of the truck.  I thought this was him but he had both legs. When I finally looked past his friend I saw TJ for the first time he looked at me with a huge smile on his face, missing one of his front teeth, tattoos covering both arms, and said “Hey I’m TJ.  Get in.”

What had I gotten myself into?

This is where I’m going to end Pt 2. I apologize for breaking it up into so many pieces but I tend to be quite long winded and I didn’t want to force, not that I can, anyone to read through 10 pages of “Our Story.”

Monday, June 18, 2012

Our Story (Pt 1 of 5)

I'll start by saying this is going to be a drawn out post because I have this weird obsession with telling the back story. If you're willing to stick it out with me for 5 posts, great. If not, I really wish you would. So, onto part 1.

With most relationships starting online these days, I feel like somewhat of a pioneer with the story of how TJ and I met.

A little back story though.  I was in a relationship at the time I met my husband.  Well, I was in what I kinda told myself was a relationship.  I’d been hooking up with a guy that my uncle set me up with while I was kinda dating a guy in California. We'll call California guy J. 

I met J online and drove to California for New Years, 2003, to meet him.  We spent a week together and I really liked him as a person.  He was emotionally stable, supported my independence, and he had a great outlook on life.  One problem, he was horrible in bed. (This part makes me sound like a horribly vain person when it comes to sex. I was in my early 20's at the time and, have since, grown out of the phase in my life.)  So after our week together, our one-sexual-encounter-where-he-went-limp-mid-pump week, we had a little discussion about a possible relationship but figured we would see how things went when I got home.  Judging by the previous paragraph you can probably deduce that we didn’t last long.  Not even until mid January, if I’m being honest.

Back to the guy my uncle set me up with.  We’ll call him C.  C and I had a tumultuous relationship.  He’d just gotten a divorce and was looking for sex.  I, at the time, was looking for a serious relationship.  I’d been “seeing” C long before I met J.  C and I had a little falling out over the whole sex/relationship debate, before I met J, and we decided that seeing each other wasn’t the best idea.  After going to visit J for New Years I came back, got drunk with C, hooked up with C, broke up with J under the premise that a long distance relationship just wouldn’t work, then realized I didn’t need to be on C’s emotional rollercoaster (after he told me he loved me and I told him I would wait until he was ready for a real relationship) and told him to kick rocks.  

Are you still with me?  Good.

Before E-Harmony and became extremely popular there was Yahoo!, or should I say there is Yahoo!.  When I first acquired internet access at home I found the online world of Yahoo! games and chat.  I would rush home from work, at night, just so I wouldn’t miss the chance to “meet up” with those people that always hung out in the game rooms.  Isn’t that the most pathetic thing you’ve ever heard?  I was at a point in my life that I wasn’t comfortable with myself and going out to a party or meeting up with real friend was like pulling teeth.

Once I got tired of the games, and the games people played in the game rooms, I moved onto the chat rooms.  I don’t so much know if I was there to find someone but I know that I wasn’t particularly looking, if that even makes sense. 

On Feb 12th, in chat room 12, at exactly 12 am (I know this because I always saved my chats on Yahoo!) up popped 25/M/CA.  I took the bait and invited him to a private chat.  Boy howdy am I glad I did.

I’ll end Pt 1 of our story here.  Pt 2, coming soon.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Lake Powell

This past week (Wednesday 6/13) my husband and I took our first trip to Lake Powell. I've lived 2 hours away my entire life and have never been. Of course, in my defense, I've never had a reason to go. When I was younger our family didn't travel much due to our lack of funds. Then, when I became an adult, I didn't have the funds either. Well, now, my husband and I not only have the funds we have a boat.

I was so excited to finally visit this amazing place. I'd heard so much about it's beauty and how vast it was. I didn't quite believe it, even after looking at the map, until we finally got out on the lake. We spent 6+ hours on the water and didn't see the same place twice. We didn't quite go all the places I wanted to go, like Rainbow Bridge, but we saw some amazing vistas. So onto the photos.

Cruising over to the Glen Canyon Dam
The Glen Canyon Dam
Our neighbor, and his kids, riding to the Dam next to us.
Can you find the face in the rocks?

Cruising around Antelope Island.
Lone Rock
Our neighbors daughter being a dork in the water.
Even though we only got to explore a small part of Lake Powell I had so much fun. Being out on the lake, in our own boat, was like living a dream. I cannot wait to go back.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Life Via Instagram

An blogger friend of mine has a link up called life via Instagram and, since I now have an iPhone, I thought I would participate. If you'd like to join in click on the image below and link up.

This past week has been crazy, not that you'd know it from these photos alone but here they go anyway.

Do you get the Val-Pak? It comes in the mail and is stuffed with coupons. It might be called something different where you live but, regardless, we got our a week ago. I've never been so scared by a dentists ad before. Yes, I understand how truly harmless it is but, do me a favor, laugh manically after you say this and THEN tell me it doesn't scare you.

We found this snake in our driveway. After figuring out that it wasn't poisonous we played with it a little before we released it in a field near our house.

Last Friday, before we bought our own boat, my husband and I went out on the lake with our neighbor and his kids. Despite the raging sunburn I got it was amazing.

Monday was TJ's birthday and we celebrated by buying a boat, which I don't have an original photo of yet, and going out to dinner at our favorite Thai restaurant.

Yesterday (Tuesday) my husband and I bought an appliance that we've always wanted. The Vitamix. I'm so excited about this purchase I can't even describe it.

I guess this isn't technically my life via Instagram as much as it is my past week via Instagram. 

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

My Amazing Week

What an amazing 7 days it's been.

Last week, May 28th, The Boy left for Boot Camp in San Diego. I can't tell you how excited I was to have this house back. I didn't have to worry about getting up in the middle of the night, and wandering out to the kitchen to get water, and putting clothes on. I don't have to lock the pantry, the fridge, or the deep freeze anymore. I don't have to deal with the public school system, unless I accept the job I was offered by my old drama teacher, anymore. I no longer have oodles of stress. It feels just amazing.

Yesterday, June 4th, was TJ's birthday. We celebrated by buying a boat. Yep, a boat. This boat to be exact.

This is a 22 foot Monterey Sport boat. The best thing about it is that it's completely paid off. We paid cash for this baby. We took it out for a test "drive" and fell completely in love with it. We've gotten it all registered, we currently hold the title to the boat but are waiting on the title for the trailer, and my husband is down at the insurance agent adding it onto our policy as I type this.

My brother, although sad as it may be that he's not able to afford to go away to school, is going to be able to watch our dogs more this summer. This means that we're going to be able to enjoy this boat as much as we want as often as we want. Of course we'll take him, and our dogs, out on in once in a while but not every time.

We're going to look at a house today. It seems quite promising. Over 3000 sq ft on over .5 acres for only $249K. I have to say, ever since the boy left, everything has been falling into place. I cannot wait to see this house and am praying that it's the one for us. Cross your fingers for us.

That's what my week has been like. How has yours been?